very fucking punny you shits
with all the actual humour, tumblr still finds “teeth” the funniest thing.
soviet russian grandma cats complaining about their grandchildren and swapping recipes
Everyone who reblogs this will get the title of a book to read based on their bio/posts.
Everyone. I mean it.
THIS IS THE BEST POST
I HAVE EVER SEEN
they really do mean everyone
dear coca cola company,
i drank some of your POWERADE drink and im still weak as fuck when will the power begin to kick in? please reply soon, i just sent a mass text to my entire school saying i would beat up the football team this friday
why is this dude wasting his fucking money on cigs when hes not gonna smoke em your fucking metaphor isnt worth that much homie get a job
okay so the other day i was walking downtown with my friend and a guy came up and asked for 50 cents to get a bus ticket. I said sure and started looking through my bag for my wallet and he just kept asking even though i had said yes, bartering with something in his hand.
"i just need 50 cents. for a ticket. just 50 cents for a tic-here. i’ll sell you this for it. its my good luck charm. i’ll sell it to you for fifty cents!"
"dude its fine i got you covered you don’t gotta do that"
"no, I want to. im selling this to you. its lucky."
"im just trying to find quarters man no biggie!"
"i am selling you this. i want you to have it. it means a lot to me"
the second i handed him the quarters he pressed this into my hand and walked away very quickly, calling over his shoulder how it was mine now and how important it was. it’s solid metal and weighs at least five fucking pounds.
im about 100% certain it’s fucking cursed and he could only get rid of it by selling it so if i vanish out of nowhere that would be why.
aria getting cursed ass fuckin satan relics and youve only been in portland for like a month slow down.
the best thing about having the house to myself is that I can make breakfast in my underwear
you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are gray
you’ll never know dear
how much i love you
please dont take
my sunshine away
this is the most beautiful post i have ever seen I’m my life
Home again! Can’t wait for the springtime.
literally the most important show you’ll ever watch
Three dimensional characters for the win.
"It feels better, right?" is the part that gets me, because it explains everything about Flash ever.